By Maria Ciampo

When humans enjoy themselves, they no longer feel the passage of time.

—Beautyland, Helene-Marie Bertino

It was a significant birthday for Bethany. She was a former model. For her, to celebrate aging
was brave. Maybe she just turned 50. Maybe only 45. All I know is that it was a significant
birthday.

I was younger. I don’t know by how many years. 10? 15? More? You don’t ask a former model.

I feel self-conscious in my cropped khaki jacket I scooped from the yoga studio Lost and Found. It’s cute, but not right for a high-fashion retired-model party. People here are important, beautiful no matter their age, fashionable no matter how torn or paper-thin their clothes or bodies.

I’m relieved when an older woman at the bar asked me how I know Bethany. Is the older woman in her 60s? Her early 80s? She asks me about my work and I talk. She asks me about my plans. I’m pleased to share. She intuits my passion. I’m glad to be invited to this party. These are the types of people who know and love Bethany.

Older woman grabs my bicep. I feel self-conscious about the jacket. I feel drawn in. The way the woman holds my bicep and makes her eyes large and focused on my eyes means she has
something Very Important to tell me.

Don’t wait, she says.

I say, Don’t worry, I won’t.

She doesn’t believe me. Her hand is still on my bicep. Her eyes are trained on my face: Don’t.
Wait. I nod. We sip at our drinks.

Then I took off my Lost and Found jacket. By mistake, I left it at the party. But I’m sure it isn’t lost. It went into the Lost and Found at that fancy bar. A waitress found it.

I wonder: What is it that woman didn’t do? What made her tell me not to wait?
Every few years, I think of this woman. I forgot what I told her my plans were. Did I wait?

Am I still waiting?

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Maria Ciampos lives in the Maine woods, and her work has appeared in The New Yorker Shouts & Murmurs, Belladonna, Points in Case, and more. She has been awarded writing residencies at Vermont Studio Center and St. Nell’s. Find her online at @mariafrancesca.bsky.social‬